What a trip

Take off your shoes.  Take off your jacket.  Take out your computer.  Take out your liquids.  Everyone has his or her own story about the security line at the airport.  I have a few of my favorites.

One

In college, for some reason, we liked to take silverware from restaurants.  On a particularly nice evening, Jeanice was able to slip a fat steak knife into her purse.  This was the day before Thanksgiving break in 2001 – two months after 9/11. 

Of course, when she shows up at security (forgetful Jeanice – never taking anything out of her purse) the “friendly” TSA agent finds the knife.  Her Arab last name did not help the situation.  As the agent began searching through her purse.  He opened her wallet and pulled out her multiple fake ID’s. 

It’s a miracle she made her flight on time.  Or did she?  I can’t remember.

Two

The day after Thanksgiving 2008.  No liquids are allowed through security.  I’m flying back to Emory from Thanksgiving with my family – leftover turkey sandwich and fixings in tow.

I slide my bag into the scanner and when it emerges on the other side, a man reaches in and swiftly pulls out my Tupperware of cranberry sauce.  “No liquids.”  He says as he tosses it into the garbage before I could argue.  I stand there with my mouth open.  Then I begin to cry.

I definitely would have stood there and finished off all the cranberry.  I have been known to open a can of jellied cranberry and finish it off as a snack.  Oh the injustice by the TSA!

Three

Spring 2006.  My mom is carrying seven bags through the airport.  Why doesn’t she just use one big bag?  We’ll never know.  She has a purse, a pilot case, her franklin organizer (yep, 2006), multiple shopping bags, and 3 coats and sweaters (even though she’s traveling from Miami to Hawaii via Houston).

Since she clearly looks suspicious, she is pulled over for a more thorough search.  Does this bother her?  No.  “Sir, since you’re looking, I have a chocolate bar in one of these bags, can you find it for me?”  Right, TSA has time to look for your chocolate bar.  They’re not busy keeping our air safe or anything.

Four

Leaving the most wonderful vacation with my whole family, Mike, and the beach, I was planning on catching the 6am flight back to New York.  This flight requires me to get off the airplane, finagle my way onto the $12 bus, and show up at work around 10:40 – hoping that no one notices.  I figured after a week away, no one would remember that I worked there anyway.  Nevertheless, I had no option to stop at home and drop off my suitcase – it was definitely straight to the office.

Mike, being the wonderful man that he is, offered to help me because he was going back a day early.  I excitedly took him up on his offer before he could take it back.  I packed up my only-technically-carry-on sized, bright pink suitcase and sent him on his way. 

I didn’t think twice about the potential security problems until I got a text, “A cheese grater, really?!”  Oops.  Yeah, I guess my mom gave me one of those to bring back.  Oh, and my ankle weights look like bombs?  Yeah, sorry about that.